Normally, I wouldn’t do this. Not only am I vehemently against public sappiness in all forms & usually abhor all kinds of cutesy shit, but I’m also one of those whacky people who believes anniversaries are personal; like marriages & births/adoptions. They include the parties directly involved, and really only matter to them, and so in my eyes should be personal. Personal meaning private. They’re gravely important things that have immense significance… but outsiders really shouldn’t have anything to do with it. So trust me- I’d normally never ever post something like this. However, today marks my TEN YEAR anniversary with Jay. Ten years! That’s longer than most marriages last, forget about non-married relationships. It’s longer than most TV shows are on the air. It’s basically one third of my life so far. And if we were celebrities, we’d be in the Hall of Fame.
So it’s kinda important. And I just wanna state that today is a big thing. To us. I get that it’s not a big thing to you, you see. But to us it’s a big deal. Like, a big deal involving cake.
I first met Jay 13 years ago, when I was a mere 19 years old (and so was he). We were both pretty different people than we are now, in a lot of ways, but especially physically. Not only were we both much younger, but he was far skinnier in that still-a-teenager-way & I was slightly heavier, with longer- and blacker- hair. We did not hit it off right away. We officially “met” a few times before the first time we actually spoke, and the first time we spoke I wasn’t really impressed. It was at a friends party, and I wasn’t having the best time. He called me “white head” (I was wearing a white bandanna on my head… hey look, it was summertime, we were near the water & there was high humidity, & my hair which was in the process of growing out was not behaving) as I walked past and this did not sit well with me. I distinctly remember asking who the hell he was. And the thing that’s especially odd about all of this is that less than a week later, we had clicked so much we spoke every single night via AIM (some of you reading this will have no idea what that is, but at the time it was awesome). I wasn’t looking for anything. Jay just made me laugh & we had a really good rapport with one another, plus he & I were both part of a circle of folks who chatted with one another fairly frequently anyway.
Somewhere along the way, things changed. It’s not something to get into on a public forum; the how’s & why’s & all of that. It’s personal. Maybe it was when he told me he waited all day to come home and talk to me. Maybe it was the 4th of July. Maybe it was when he took me to dinner for my birthday. Maybe it was just the summer. But something definitely changed from friend to more than friend… however, ultimately we parted ways. Over the course of a few years there were times when our “stars collided” and we met once again, and some other people got hurt in the process. But it wasn’t until three whole years after our initial meeting that we actually were in the same place at the same time, and it was the right place at the right time. I knew when I first met him that there was a reason for it, I just didn’t know exactly what it was. It was meant to be, though. People don’t continue to cross your path over & over again without a reason.
Ten years later, I cannot imagine the last ten years without him.
He’s up to my down.
Right to my left.
Peanut butter to my jelly.
Ham to my cheese.
Johnny to my June.
You get the idea.
Things with us are very simple. Uncomplicated. We’ve had two, maybe three arguments in 10 years. It’s not forced. We’re not clingy, we let one another do our own thing. We’re each others best friend. We’re supportive but not over the top. We don’t hide anything from each other. We’re honest. We work together, we’re in it together. We’re here because we both want to be, and I can’t speak for him but I have never once wanted out. People say relationships are hard work, but honestly, I can’t agree. For us it just flows. It just works. There’s never any drama or anything. It’s the easiest relationship I’ve ever had- friend or otherwise. And if you think that’s because “[we're] not married yet” or because we have no children; well, then you’ve got either a very poor marriage or a very poor concept of what a relationship is (or could be). Not to mention you must not think very highly of your kids.
So, since we’re not ones to be over-dramatic & crazy, this is our anniversary/engagement (yes, I said engagement!) cake. Equally simple yet wonderful. No drama. No fanfare. Just goodness.
(By the way.. I clearly do a terrible job at cutting cakes)
Cake stand: vintage Fenton milk glass; cake recipe from Baker’s Royale- best zebra bundt cake EVER!
It’s like our relationship: low-key but awesome.
I wish that all of you could have or would have the love I have. Of all the things in life that really matter, that’s one of the most important, and it doesn’t matter who you love- whether it’s someone of the opposite sex, another man, another woman, more than one man or more than one woman or a variety. Relationships & love can’t be defined or restricted by anyone else’s ideals. It doesn’t matter if it’s family love, friend love or romantic love. It just matters that you love them, and they love you.
for me for us, there’s more to celebrate this year than just those 10 happy years of being together…
Because this big ol’ hunk of over 1 full carat of diamonds, in the form of a stunning heirloom engagement ring (pictured here in the original ring box, both of which belonged to my grandmother), is sitting on my left ring finger as I type. Because when the man you love uses trickery & espionage (as well as gets your parents involved in that trickery) in order to get your beloved grandmother’s ring to propose to you with, and then asks you to marry him in one of your favorite places on earth… it’s real love. This ring has meant a lot to me for many reasons, and now it means even more.
I guess the ring-shaped cake above makes sense to you all now.
So yup. Here I am, officially affianced. Not a bad way to celebrate our tenth year together, huh?
See… here’s my deal: the materialism of “weddings” nowadays is a turn off for me. Not because I’m against people making or spending money- quite the opposite, I love to do both. It’s a turn-off, mainly because people (mostly women) have forgotten the real meaning of why they’re getting married. It’s an excuse to soak a guy for a big rock, then show it off to other women with the secret, silent hope that they’re jealous, and then go & blow all of daddy’s money on ONE day that no one even remembers. It’s a reason to shop at Kleinfeld’s & maybe be on TLC. It’s a reason to show off.
And all of that has nothing to do with love or marriage. But that’s another post for another day!
And my wedding band will be custom made using diamonds from my grandmother’s other ring.
My heirloom ring is not only gorgeous, but it has immense meaning. Not just because it’s my engagement ring, but because of it’s history (which is very interesting- it was stolen & recovered by the NYPD!) & because it was a gift from my grandpa to my nana. It has over 75 years of history & love in it… here’s to over 75 more.
*P.S. if you’d like to follow me on my anti-bridal journey (or you’re just nosy) feel free to take a peek at my Pinterest board. And in case you’re wondering, as far as love songs go, we really are more Johnny & June than Whitney or Mariah. And if you’re thinking of ‘Walk the Line’ … well, that isn’t the best Johnny Cash song to suit us; we’re more like this one.