I’m not directing the ‘Fuck You’ at the cupcakes, I meant that these are ‘Fuck You’ cupcakes.
I think that everyone has had a reason, at some point, to make such cupcakes. I’ve had many. Most of which will remain unnamed and anonymous, but to name a few: a nun that tutored me in Math during my Junior year in High School (I’ve said before, everyone knows where she went when she passed, and its pretty damn warm), the kid who pulled my chair out from under me before I sat down at lunch in 6th grade (as a joke, of course!) causing me to slam my lower back on the hard tiled floor and planting the seed of my lifelong back problems (yeah, dick, I’ve seen you on Facebook and I guess you haven’t gotten whats coming to you yet, I didn’t see a wheelchair in the picture), the unknown asshole who stole my mom’s vintage Levi’s denim jacket when I borrowed it in 8th grade, anyone who’s ever copied me instead of having an original thought in their head, the many crazy bitches I’ve encountered in my life (who probably read this on a daily basis just to see what I’m up to… psychos), etc., etc., etc. I could go on. There are tons more but to preserve my sanity and their reputations, lets leave it at that. I don’t need to resort to cheap attacks on the internet to get a laugh, I can use much more quick-witted and well thought out attacks in person when need be instead and feel better about myself for it.
Anyway… Fuck You cupcakes are another recipe in the book I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti by Giulia Melucci that I mentioned a few posts back. In the book, Guilia made them after a guy sent her two cupcakes as an attempt to woo her (after leaving her through an e·mail and a note, in which told her he ran off with his ex whom he was “madly in love with”), and she was so disgusted with him she couldn’t even eat them, and no one else would. So she made some cupcakes of her own, in her words “exorcising him from her life”, and aptly named them Fuck You cakes; yellow cakes with chocolate bourbon frosting (“because you need a drink”). But I went one step further than her and spelled out those two lovely words right on top of the cupcakes in a red frosting. Again- how could I resist?
Some may say a lady wouldn’t use such language. To those people I say, “Fuck off.” The best part about having a website, especially one that isn’t run by anyone other than me, is that I can write F-U-C-K anytime I like, and if you don’t like it… you can leave. God Bless America.
And now I give you Giulia Melucci’s recipe for … Fuck You cupcakes!
FUCK YOU CUPCAKES
- 2 cups cake flour
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 1 stick (½ cup) butter, softened
- 1 cup sugar
- 3 large eggs, room temperature
- 1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
- ¾ cup whole milk
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Insert 12 liners into muffin tins. Sift together flour, baking powder and salt, and set aside.
- Cream butter and sugar with a hand mixer (or an electric mixer fitted with a paddle) at medium speed until fluffy; add eggs one at a time, then the vanilla, and beat until smooth.
- Reduce mixer speed to low and add the sifted ingredients to the butter mixture a little at a time, alternating with the milk until fully incorporated.
- Do not overmix, as this will make for tough cupcakes and you’ve suffered enough.
CHOCOLATE BOURBON FROSTING
- ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa
- 2 to 3 tablespoons bourbon (depending on how bad it was)
- 4 tablespoons milk
- 1 stick unsalted butter, very soft
- 1 box confectioner’s sugar
- 1 to 2 tablespoons milk
- In a small bowl, whisk the cocoa, bourbon and 2 tablespoons milk.
- Cream the butter with a hand mixer or stand mixer at medium speed until smooth, then add the sugar 1 cup at a time until fully incorporated.
- Add the bourbon mixture and continue beating until the color is uniform, then add the additional milk a little at a time until the frosting is fluffy and spreadable.
According to the author:
Don’t be so angry with yourself that you eat more than one or two cupcakes. Be angry with him! Bring whatever is left to work. Your colleagues will eat these and you’ll feel lighter for having shed him and not OD’ing on cupcakes.
Make these the next time someone screws you over. You can even top them with the sentiment spelled out for them, or be slightly more subtle and use a middle finger picture, like the one above. But whatever you do- don’t share any with the asshole who caused you to make them. They’re way too good for that.